New Year, Same Me

An image by the author.

I’ve fallen down the stairs enough times to know “be less clumsy” would be a fruitless attempt at a New Year’s resolution. There are many things I could try to resolve this year that wouldn’t work. “Don’t be anxious,” “Get a lot of sleep,” “Don’t procrastinate.” Despite all of this, I still recognize that I can change. There are some mistakes I’ll make as long as I breathe, but I can work on not making those mistakes as much. I can be more careful on staircases, I can set an alarm to remind myself to sleep, I can maybe even start projects a little before the last minute.

To be totally candid, I don’t think there are really any mistakes I already make that I can completely stop making this year. Even if I could, there would be another mistake right there waiting to be my next habit. It’s not like the mistakes I make are a part of me, and I wouldn’t be a totally new person if I stopped making them. I’d just be me in a new phase of my life.

I’m not that old, and I don’t know much, but I do know there’s no use trying to reinvent myself completely, especially not in only one year. I’ll always be clumsy sometimes, get the wrong amount of sleep sometimes, and put things off sometimes, but I know I could be better at managing it. I’ll always have room to change, and I’m at a point where I can take my time to for it.

After years and years of trying to be perfect and anyone but myself, I’ve learned one thing for sure. Right now, I need to work on accepting who I am, and I can only work on being better.

– by Isa Cava ’18